2013

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Happy New Year! I love the feeling that this day brings each year. I notice that I always want to re-organize my house, plan my time better, make time for friends, spend more time with family, etc. And I love the feeling of starting from "scratch". Clean Slate. New game. Start over. It makes me feel like I have a chance to make up for all of the mistakes I made this past year. It also makes me sit back and evaluate all of the great things I did and be proud of them. Do you feel that way?

Here are some personal examples: This year, I became a university instructor. That's a pretty big deal for me! It's an even bigger deal for my mom who worked her ENTIRE life to help me become a professional. I also started this blog! I don't know how many people it has reached yet, but I do believe it has touched at least SOME lives. I like that thought. :) My oldest son started high school and became class president. That makes me realize that I've done a pretty good job with him despite a rough start!

On the other side of that though, I also didn't do to well with my 2012 resolutions. I didn't lose weight or exercise like I planned. Gaaaaawwwww I hate that one!! :D And I TRIED really, really hard to be more organized. It worked! To an extent. For a little while. :/

But the amazing part about all of this? I get to be proud of the accomplishments, and get a second chance at the other stuff.

As you go back to welcome your students for the 2013 spring semester, I want you to remember this: Our calendar  year allows you a new start on this day every year, and you love it. You get to start over. Clean Slate. New game. Do the same for your students, but do it every day! Don't hold grudges. Don't remind them of their mistakes..only their accomplishments. If they roll their eyes, find out what is going on in their lives that makes them so unhappy. If they fall asleep in class, find out why they aren't getting adequate rest at home. If they forget their homework, be proud of them the next day for completing it and never remind them about how they forgot it on Monday!!!! If you, as an adult, are allowed to grow and improve each day...then how much MORE important is it that kids be given this same chance?

I am going to try to be better with my resolutions this year. And one of them is to continue to believe in ALL kids. And to continue to be an advocate for the clean slate, new game, start over classrooms that children everywhere deserve to have. Here's to an amazing 2013! :)

Ruts & Moments

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Sometimes....teachers get it ruts. I get in ruts. I feel worn out, tired, frustrated, and this feeling starts to creep up in which I start wondering if what I do every day is truly making a difference. I don't think that this means that I doubt my work as a teacher, I think it's just normal. It is normal because you don't SEE the difference every single day. But then comes a day when you DO see it. And that one tiny moment on that one single day brings you right back to the place you need to be. I am SO thankful for these moments, and I am so thankful for amazing teachers who share their own moments with me. Their moments combined with my moments help me KNOW that we change lives. Today...a friend of mine shared one of her moments with me. Her story is below, written from her perspective. Written from the perspective of the one person who didn't give up on a child despite the difficulties. Written from the perspective of the one person who followed through as she promised. Written from the perspective of one Math teacher in the world who truly made a difference today. Thank you, Lillian Pope, for sharing your moment with me. 

For me, there's nothing better than helping a child finally find a "just right" math strategy. For many kids school brings day after day of defeat. I have the most amazing job in the world because I get to hand-craft specialized activities with specific learners in mind. It's like a writer knowing their audience. I must know my kids.

In this particular instance I knew this child needed to move on from counting on his fingers. It's not like he enjoyed counting up one by one, however, he never really believed in himself enough to try another way...until now!

My battle was 1/2 computational fluency & 1/2 self-confidence! I introduced a station to him a few weeks back. He worked on it a few times with some resistance. We pushed through the discomfort and said we'd try it on a few more times before abandoning it.

Today while I was working with another small group I saw him beaming across the room. His face was burning with desire to share, however, he knew it was not an "emergency" so he couldn't interrupt.

"Should I clean up like she said? I really want her to see this though! She may get upset if she sees me just standing here. Uh-oh...she's waving for me to come over there."

He stood there with his eyes avoiding mine like a child waiting to be scolded. I slide my phone with the camera set and ready into the palm of his hand. Relief spread across his face as his eyes locked with mine.

This is what awaited me...

Now he's all math, all the time! 

Standing Ovation

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Every book that I have ever read has one line or one quote that just STAYS with me. Wonder by R.J. Palacio was no different. This amazing book tells the story of August Pullman, a sweet 5th grader who is attending public school for the first time after being home-schooled because of medical issues. These medical issues are caused by a facial deformity that he was born with. August says he should be accustomed to the stares, but wishes that everyone could look past what they see with their eyes, and realize that he is just an ordinary kid like the rest of them.

Oh, how I wish I could meet August! While he may be a fictional character, he reminds me that there are many courageous kids JUST like him out there--fighting battles that shouldn't even exist in the first place. August never fails to handle his conflicts with grace, and teaches lessons that can't be taught by just anyone. The following quote is a true and perfect representation of August--because he never failed to "choose kind". I hope I remember to do always do the same.

"When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind." --Dr. Wayne Dyer

What more can I say? I love this book, I love this kid, and I love the renewed affirmation it gives to my belief in the power of a story. August has inspired me to begin a log of my favorite words or lines from the books that I love. I will begin my list with some of my favorite words spoken by August himself:

"I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives."

~August Pullman~

August, I agree. I plan on typing your words up and keeping them in my classroom---as a reminder that each and every child that God places in my care deserves a standing ovation of their very own. :)

The Zombie Zone

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September 2nd! That is the last time that I posted. I decided I better not let it become a full two months! :/

A little about what has been going on for me lately summed up in one word: EXHAUSTION. I am convinced that adding one more thing to my plate will turn me into a zombie. Thus, the title of my blog post (a borrowed title from an A to Z mysteries book by Ron Roy by the way). Anyhow, coffee is my new best friend, and my bed (which seriously needs replacing and hurts my back) doesn't seem so bad anymore! :D Sadly, I have had a couple of weeks of that feeling that creeps up when you start to feel that it's all just too much. As usual, however...time passes, and I always manage to get things back into perspective. And I realize that the impact of my work is far greater than the exhaustion of my body. Living the life of a teacher is just DIFFICULT!!! If anyone has told you otherwise-- they are lying. It just isn't true. I assure you, however, that it is the BEST job in the world to have! Here are a few updates on my life: 

My Life as a Mentor Teacher: My sweet intern and friend has completed her time with me, and I MISS HER!! I was so very blessed to have met her, and to have been able to help her begin her journey as a teacher. Any and all students that God has set aside for her are and will be blessed. I am so proud of you,  Laura! 

My 5th Grade Teacher Life: Since Laura is gone now, I am in charge again. It has taken a couple of weeks to get things going, but I am so happy to have my kiddos back. What I missed most: reading aloud to them!!!! Now if only I could remember to take attendance. :/

My Reading Life: Since I last posted, I have read The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, and am currently reading Wonder by R.J Palacio. I also recently bought a tiny NOOK e-reader from Barnes & Noble that I love because it fits right in my purse! My personal children have gotten more use out of it than me though. They love it just as much. Anyway, if you don't have one, you should! :)

My life as a University Instructor: I have 29 students, so grading papers is SO. HARD. :( But I love getting to know these future teachers, and it is so exciting to be able to be part of their journey!!! 

I usually never have a countdown, but I must say that my body is aching (literally some days) for the Thanksgiving break! The crazy thing though, is that one of the reasons that I can't wait for the break is that I can't wait to have some time to plan new things for my classroom! :) Only a teacher would look forward to getting a day off of work to have time to work some more. :D *sigh* Story of my life!

 What a great story though, don't ya think? :))

What Jamie Saw

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I read a kid's book yesterday called What Jamie Saw by Carolyn Coman. Jamie, his mother, and his little sister Nin run away from Jamie's abusive stepfather, and the story builds upon the events that follow that departure. Sadly, Jamie is a little boy with a not so easy life. As I read through the pages of this book, I kept thinking about what the world must look like from the eyes of a small child seeing the "mean" side of the people in their lives and the aftermath of broken relationships. I wanted to share an excerpt from the book that stayed with me. In this excerpt, Jamie and his family have just run away from the abusive stepfather and are staying with a friend of the family. It is the morning after the "big event" that made them run away, and Jamie's mother is discussing the plans for the day.

"Isn't today a school day?" he said. He pulled away from his mother toward his side of the bed.

"For some," she said. She reached over to the arm of the couch for her cigarettes and lighter. "For you and me, though, it's a free day." She flicked the lighter a few times till it caught, lit her cigarette, and took her first drag. "Jamie and Patty Beauville's free day," she said, and exhaled.

Jamie liked the third grade all right, liked his teacher, Mrs. Desrochers, so a free day wasn't as big a deal to him as it would've been the year before, when he had Mrs. Gimber and everything felt stale and hard and what he knew best was how much he wasn't very good at."

After reading this, I thought two things.

Number one: There are kids in my classroom RIGHT NOW who face a world JUST like Jamie's, and

Number two:  Please, please, please, God don't ever EVER let me be a "Mrs. Gimber" to ANY kid who enters my life. 

Living the Life of a Reader

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If you think about the meaning of the word "exhausted"...then move UP about ten levels from that---then that describes exactly how I feel after today! The first day of school is always SO rushed, tiring, and stressful. I am proud, however, to say that I now have my NINTH successful first day of school behind me! Yay!!

Before my exhaustion completely takes over, I thought I'd type up a quick post about something I feel is very important to a literacy classroom. Last week sometime, I presented for our district professional development day, and got to share how passionate I am about the importance of teachers having their own reading lives. One of the best things that I have been able to do for my students over the past few years is recommend books to those students who do not consider themselves "readers" yet, or who have trouble finding books they will enjoy. The reason I have been able to do this, however, is because I LOVE reading children's books (one of my next goals in life is to publish one)! Both picture books and chapter books alike are important to what I can offer my students as their reading teacher. I truly believe that if reading teachers commit to this,  their students' reading lives will flourish without fail. In a perfect world, I'd run my own school and make readers of all the teachers who worked there, and kids everywhere would love books! Since I'm not there yet, however, I decided to start by being the example. This year, I decided not only to practice what I preach, but to hold myself ACCOUNTABLE. Check out the board I made out in the hallway beside my classroom door (yes, that means OTHER people can see it)! 

Today, I COMMIT to living the life of a reader. :)

We All Have a Story

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Today was my first official day back at work. It's hard to explain the feelings I feel on this day each year. I don't think it is a feeling that can be described with words, or colors, or anything in between. It's just a big mixture of everything. Sadness, because the summer is gone. Excitement about a brand new year and a fresh new start. Happiness to see friends I haven't seen in a couple of months. Nervousness, because I may not get everything ready in time! I'm sure you can relate. :)

Today's feelings, however, differed from the usual...and it starts with the difficult story of what my summer entailed. And while this story is personal, and difficult, and sad...I think the ultimate purpose of my sharing it is what will give me the courage to share it anyway. Keep reading, and hopefully you will agree.

My summer started as most summers do. My to-do list was waiting, a neat pile of books waiting to be read kept calling my name, and  I had big plans to do LOTS of cuddling with my boys! A few days into the week, however, I started feeling ill. A constant stomach pain (stomach bug I kept saying), was making my first week of summer a miserable one. After days of this, my husband and I considered  the possibility of us being pregnant. And although the chances didn't seem great...the bright pink PLUS symbol we saw said otherwise! Suddenly, my stomach pain and nausea meant something different. It meant a baby! Stomach pain and nausea forgotten, (well, not really), my plans for the summer completely changed. But yet...I hadn't felt that happy in a loooooong while. I saw my doctor the very next week, and couldn't wait for the months to come. 

This happiness, however, was brief. After several tests, we learned that there would be no new baby added to our family. According to the doctor, my pregnancy didn't progress as it should. All the evidence (an ultrasound, blood work, dates) showed that my baby never formed. The doctors were right. A few weeks later, I miscarried. But the problem, you see, is that while the doctors were right, they were ALSO wrong. They were wrong because the baby may not have formed in my body...but it had formed in my mind, in my heart, and in the hearts of my boys. To us, there was a baby. And the baby was so, so loved. 

You may be wondering how this story can possibly relate to the beginning of a school year. I'll tell you how. Every school year, teachers are handed a list of 20-30 kids. If you are a teacher or know a teacher, you KNOW how precious this list is. We claim to need that list! We need to make name tags, folders, labels, post cards...the list of reasons why we "NEED" this list is endless. I wonder, however, how often we stop and think about each name all by itself.  

You see, every name on that list belongs to someone's baby. It doesn't matter what we think, or what the teacher before us thinks about that kid. What matters is that 20-30 mothers, grandmothers, aunts are dropping their babies off at the door of our schools and trusting us to do what's best. They don't care if we make folders, labels, or name tags. All they care about is that we do what is BEST for THEIR baby. So I wonder this: If I could love a baby that never truly was as much as I did...how much MORE important is it that I love the 20 little faces that will stare up at me next Monday? I BELIEVE in the power of loving kids. I believe in the power of bringing out the best in them. I wish everybody did. 

I still haven't figured out what God's plan was with that miscarriage-- and I may never know. But what I do know, is that my story is important to me. While it was hard for me to share it , it is now a piece of what makes me who I am. On Monday, 20 kids I've never met will enter my classroom with wide eyes and anticipation. Each of them will  have a story. And sadly, my own "difficult" story of this summer will PALE in comparison to some of theirs. It is MY job to uncover those stories, because many of them will be far too  difficult for them to share. Those stories, however, will be a piece of what makes my students who they are. And I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, that no matter how difficult it may be to hear some of those stories....a teacher TRULY has the power to change their ending.